


Between Sharpened Teeth and a Sharper Smile

by LotusFlair



Series: Magnus Season 5 Codas [10]
Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Apocalypse, Coda, Emotional Baggage, M/M, Monsters, Post-Checking Out, Post-MAG 187, Spoilers, Toxic Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-14
Updated: 2020-11-14
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:20:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,145
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27565900
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LotusFlair/pseuds/LotusFlair
Summary: Jon tells Martin about what happened between him and Helen. Reflecting on his own journey to becoming a monster, he sees the parallels between himself, Helen, and Daisy.What does it mean to still be the last one standing?Spoilers thru MAG 187 - Checking Out
Relationships: Martin Blackwood/Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist
Series: Magnus Season 5 Codas [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1763854
Comments: 4
Kudos: 64





	Between Sharpened Teeth and a Sharper Smile

He told Martin everything. At this stage in the journey there was no reason to lie or hide behind half-truths and vague omniscience. Martin was quiet through the whole story. They hadn't started walking towards London yet and Jon didn't want to do this while en route. Better to sit in the void between domains and hash it out. Martin deserved to know what type of monster he continued to travel with. To his credit, when Jon finished Martin took a moment to process the words, then a deep breath, and then took Jon's hand.

"So it was all an act," Martin said. "She was never on our side, was she?"

"She was. Sort of," Jon said. "When it was beneficial to her goals."

"Ending the world," Martin sneered.

"It's surprisingly effective to hide behind a smile," Jon said with a bitter laugh. "It's even more effective to wear the veneer of a friendly face and offer comfort while stabbing you in the back. The Distortion couldn't have timed it better. The last minute rescue, rejecting Michael, Helen's appearance...I fell for it hook, line, and sinker."

"Jon, it's not your fault the embodiment of lies managed to lie to you," Martin said.

"She did...and she didn't," Jon said. "That's why it was always so hard to completely distrust her. I can find truth, so she never bothered to lie to me, not really. Why bother lying when it was easier to offer a respite from the others."

"What you mean the archives staff? Me?" Martin asked, confused.

Jon nodded. "Just in the year after the coma. When I'd fully changed. You were gone, but Basira, Melanie, Georgie...they saw a monster and treated me like one. Even you had stepped away from me, asking for interventions from afar when you took Jess Tyrell's statement. I assumed it was another notch in whatever score was being kept regarding my humanity. Helen, though, she was there in her own way. She talked to me, listened, offered advice. I was never completely certain of her loyalties, but it was nice to be in a room with someone and not worry that they were going to immediately try to kill me. That's how she lured me in."

"What changed your mind?" Martin asked. "I mean, you've been pretty sour on her since this journey within a journey started."

"She didn't help me save you," Jon said, squeezing Martin's hand a little more. "She knew about the Panopticon and didn't tell me. She knew what would happen if I got there too soon. So she delayed me, kept me from getting to you before Peter sent you into the Lonely."

"So you'd get the last mark," Martin said, his eyes widening in realization.

"And the Distortion got what it always wanted: power and freedom to do as it wished," Jon said.

"But did she?" Martin asked. "What about the whole Watcher and the Watched business?"

"Friend or foe was always her forte," Jon said. "Easy enough to apply the same strategies to a different binary."

They were silent for a bit, both caught up in their own thoughts. Eventually, Jon let out a tired laugh that could have easily been mistaken for a sob.

"It's...I can't say it's funny, but it's odd that the two monsters I held closest are dead," Jon said.

"What do you mean?" Martin asked.

"Daisy and Helen," Jon said. "I was closest to them before the Change, before we were together. We were all monsters, but--"

"But you had hope for them," Martin finished.

Jon nodded. "I had to if only to give myself hope. Helen was a monster who seemed to retain some semblance of who she once was. I saw what I wanted to see in her - a monster who could still be human."

"And in Daisy?"

"I saw what would happen if I resisted, if I rejected what the Eye had given me," Jon said. "She was so thin before she gave herself to the Hunt. She sacrificed herself, her humanity, so I'd have enough time to get away."

"To save me," Martin said, tears gathering in his eyes. Jon nodded.

"And they're both dead," Jon said. "And I'm still here. All of us monsters. All of us responsible for the deaths of so many innocent lives, but I'm still here and I don't know how I feel about that."

"What was it you said about Breekon? It's okay not to feel anything," Martin said.

"Doesn't seem right, though. My reward and my punishment are one in the same, but sometimes I'm too tired to care and that - that scares me more," Jon said.

"Because...?"

"Because it means I'm more like Helen than I want to admit," Jon said. "And some part of me would almost prefer to be more like Daisy."

Martin remained quiet. The small revelation seemed to shake him and Jon could see the thoughts flitting across his face.

"Do you think you'd have survived blinding yourself?" Martin asked. His voice was heavy and wet as he tried to fight back against his emotions. "If I hadn't - hadn't laughed you off, then maybe you'd--"

"Hey. Hey," Jon said as he gently reached up to carefully frame Martin's face in his hands. He brushed at the tears spilling over and offered a comforting smile. "We're past this, Martin. We were pushed and pulled in all directions until Elias had us right where he wanted us. We can't - we can't dwell on these thoughts anymore. All we can do is look forward."

Martin nodded, but Jon was reluctantly to release his caress. He brought Martin's face closer, offering a chaste kiss to soothe his partner's mind. He'd always felt these kisses were meager in scope compared to the abundance of love Martin was capable of doling out, but Martin never saw it as a slight or insignificant. Instead, he cherished everything that Jon gave him because he knew he was putting all of himself into it. They'd both gone through their lives feeling unloved and burdensome to those around them. But in each other they could give and take what was needed and knew it was enough.

When they broke apart, Martin pressed their foreheads together, nuzzling Jon's nose lovingly.

"I know London's always been the end goal," Martin said, "but I'm afraid of what's going to happen when we get there. And I'm afraid of what happens after."

"Me too," Jon sighed. "Me too. But--"

"The journey will be the journey," Martin said in a whiny tone that only hinted at Jon's posh intonations.

"Got it in one," Jon said. They pulled apart enough to start walking towards the twisting spires and warped architecture of London. Their hands remained entwined, gentle squeezes of support passing between them as they went to meet the end of their journey.


End file.
